Top Twenty Reasons To Crap On The Floor

Have you ever wanted to be young again? Most people do. Using our newfound research team, we were able to find out the ultimate solution to self-deprecation and a lack of sovereignty. It is quite simple, by conjuring your primitive ancestor’s traits into your modern humanoid body, you can achieve so much! Have you always wanted to become the ultimate ape? Well, by excreting on the floor regularly, you can become just that! Here are 20 reasons to poop on the floor, just so you have an excuse to become the ultimate ape.

1. To create a soft landing space should you ever trip or fall.
2. Inciting anarcho-pranksterism and breaking the rules.
3. Avoiding the sound of the flush for those who are more easily startled.
4. For the artful decoration of the bathroom—to add a unique flair to the tile.
5. To experience a journey of disgust and revulsion—it’s exciting!
6. To make a powerful statement about the shortcomings of society and its sanitation systems.
7. Discover a newfound appreciation for public restrooms when you don’t have to sit on a wet seat.
8. Contribute to a new sport: competitive poopsplash.
9. Live out a primal instinct to express dominance over a shared space.
10. Because it’s time to rethink the traditional standards of potty-goers everywhere!
11. To establish your religion and let everyone know about it.
12. To make a purely therapeutic decision, best made in solitude.
13. To make a point that no one should take themselves too seriously—especially not in this regard.
14. To fling the excrement in a satisfyingly messy and cathartic display.
15. Showing your dog (or other pet) who’s boss.
16. To see what new smells and patterns can enter the picture.
17. To replicate the landscape of a tropical oasis.
18. To ruin the productivity and morale of the people who have to mop it up.
19. To mess with your neighbor’s expectations and challenge yourself with new techniques.
20. To embrace the primitive side of your family and gain a newfound respect for the beasts of the world.

Thank you for reading our top 20 reasons to crap on the floor. Now all you need is determination and 4-ply toilet paper! (Pronounced Yim Yam)